Everyone who starts down the divorce process says the same basic things: they just want it to be simple. They just want it to be over without a big fight. Unfortunately, many of these people still end up in complicated, contentious divorce proceedings, in spite of their initial intentions. This is usually because they did not know how to actually take action and keep their divorce simple. You can be different. Follow these three tips from the get-go to ensure your divorce remains simple and civil.
1. Hire a lawyer to mediate.
You do not need to both hire lawyers to represent you, but you DO need to hire one lawyer to work as a mediator between the two of you. The lawyer can serve as an impartial third party and help the two of you work through things you don't agree on. Instead of arguing and arguing for weeks without reprieve, which can make the whole divorce process fall into mayhem, the mediator will ensure you settle disagreements quickly. There will be some disagreements; you just need to handle them well.
2. Accept that you will have to compromise.
In almost all divorces, you cannot get everything you want, and neither can your spouse. Both of you will have to compromise. If you simply accept this, your divorce process will be much easier. When you have to give up something that you really wanted, try not to dwell on it. Remind yourself of everything you asked for and that you ARE getting... and also of the things your spouse is giving up.
3. Don't discuss the divorce when you are feeling too emotional.
This is an emotionally challenging time, but it's important not to let your emotions play too large a role in your negotiations. If you feel like you are getting too emotional about making certain decisions, take a step back, talk to a friend or therapist, and then come back to the decision when you're feeling more level-headed. One emotional outburst can upset the entire demeanor of a divorce that was pleasant up until that point.
Going through a divorce is never easy, but your divorce does not have to be one that interrupts into mayhem and madness each time you talk to your ex. With the help of a good lawyer and some emotional awareness, you can keep things pleasant and perhaps even remain friends when all is said and done.